two sides

Two sides rage war within me,two sides pulling me in two directions,two sides which are polar opposites that clash everyday,two sides which live inside of me,two sides..

and every time i have to choose only one

The flesh and spirit,each desiring wat is contradictory to the other.The flesh hungering and fulfilling only wat it craves for and desires.Always wanting to go against the laws that have been set,always wanting to cross the boundaries that have been placed.the raw nature of sin that had manifested itself in humans for eons,driving the very beings God made in his own image,to defy and rebel against him,and it is no different in me.It is a side i fear,a side i dread,the side of me which is haunting and dementing,a side shrouded with darkness and cloaked with the capacity for great evil.

but the spirit is the side which gives me life,true life,and allows me to have life and have it in abundance.a side which has enabled me to see,opening my once blinded spiritual eyes and by grace,spreading on me a blanket of grace and righteousness.The spirit,given to me when i accepted and believed in the salvation brought open by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.the spirit a vital and essential gift frm God,and i thank Him for it everyday

So father i pray that i obey the spirit more,ur spirit,and that i will come to understand even further that sin..has never had a hold on me,that along with all my brothers and sisters in Christ,we are free frm the bondage and shackles of sin which cannot imprison us any longer.

we are..free.

I

as u noe what i write here is usually directed at God so yea.

i always liked being free.no attachments no nth.no nid to converse so frequently,jst going arnd minding ur own business.doing ur own thing,jst u and God.so light and easy,no baggage no openings to be hurt,flying solo.

its diff.when things change,i dunno.not that i dont like it but...its diff.nw it snt jst me anymre.
i enjoy that feeling of feathery lightness.


yes selfish it might seem,but hey i gotta express myself heh.

God pls teach me wat to do.

Outlet

what to say,its been pretty hectic these few days,running here and there,feeling very tired but i'm glad that thi shol was well spent. i need the time to rest,physically and spiritually.

God's been telling me alot.some prayers were answered in ways i didn expect them to ,and some parts of myself,stuff that was buried and lost a long time ago started uncovering and though i dont like it one bit,i thank God that He's shown me wat i have to change.

i realize that i'm possessive,at times easily frustrated and angered ,impatient,demanding,prideful,not knowing how to be still before God,and perhaps having places and spots in my soul which have not yet been filled,gaps which i never even knew existed nor knowing the reason of its existence.thankfully its all been uncovered now.

typing it out an penning ti down helps,it helps me to keep track of wat i know and wat i've learned so far.

i know i;m still struggling,i know i've got a LONG way to go,in my qiest to live thi slife for God,i fail so often,i fail so many times,and i'm sorry God.i'm sorry.

But thank You for that corss,the corss which puts to death the sinner in me,thank You for the blood of Christ which will always wash me clean of my sins,thank You for being with me,.for abiding in me.In chaos,confusion, in the midst of trials and tribulations,in the mids of failure

you're here.

and you'll always be here.

Thank You God.

Thank You.

If

If i could accumulate the amount of anger i felt,i think it would be enough to really allow me to change into a were wolf,to give me the ability to create a tornado,to be able to pump me up enough to rip the very earth apart

then Thank God i do not have the ability to allow my anger to manifest itself in such ways,or alot of ppl are going to die,

but sometimes i wish i could.

God

God thank You for showing me so much.

but i still struggle i still need help

i believe help me in my unbelief

i am willing help me in my unwillingness

i love yOu OGod

i do,so help me

please i wanna live for u,so God mould me and shape me to become like Jesus.amen.

why

God wat is...

gah this is so confusing.how do i express myself

wat is the difference

why cant things be simplified

why cant...

its so...

darn..

why..

do i..

where is..

argh

God help me.

A living paradox

in every human the capacity for evil,and yet possessing the same capability to carry out good deeds.

in every human,the ability to rage,ravage and destroy.Yet there are many who are called peacemakers,loving,children of God.

in every human,therein lies a monstrosity,the power to wreak havoc and unleash hell on earth.Yet in every human,there is an angel,a saint,spreading and smothering those they meet with brotherly love.

Every human,a living paradox,the embodiment of polar opposites,a walking oxymoron.

If only it were possible to rid myself of the carnal nature that rises up within me so often.If only the component of sin was eradicated from this earthly body of mine!How i wish to be sinless,pure and blameless before God.

At times my soul feels as if it were about to be torn in two.On one hand,the sin that i so hate,tempts me to leap into her open arms,a swirling black vortex of doom only awaiting to destroy me.And sometimes i heed the voice of the animalistic nature i have yet to destroy!But on the other,i hear the voice of God,the calling to be pure and empty myself of my spirit and be filled with His.And to my joy and most certainly to His,i am learning to tap into that nature more and more.

But so many times i loose that connection.so many times i fail.

Oh who can save me from the filth that so encompasses me?Who could possibly save this sinner,the worst of sinners?

But Thanks be to God!That He has already sent Christ to Die for me,and more importantly that Christ is ressurected,that he is already seated at the right hand of God.

I have so much to learn,still so young in faith,still so weak,still so powerless,still finding my way,still having so much room to grow.

But thanks be to God.

Thanks be to God.