Outlet

what to say,its been pretty hectic these few days,running here and there,feeling very tired but i'm glad that thi shol was well spent. i need the time to rest,physically and spiritually.

God's been telling me alot.some prayers were answered in ways i didn expect them to ,and some parts of myself,stuff that was buried and lost a long time ago started uncovering and though i dont like it one bit,i thank God that He's shown me wat i have to change.

i realize that i'm possessive,at times easily frustrated and angered ,impatient,demanding,prideful,not knowing how to be still before God,and perhaps having places and spots in my soul which have not yet been filled,gaps which i never even knew existed nor knowing the reason of its existence.thankfully its all been uncovered now.

typing it out an penning ti down helps,it helps me to keep track of wat i know and wat i've learned so far.

i know i;m still struggling,i know i've got a LONG way to go,in my qiest to live thi slife for God,i fail so often,i fail so many times,and i'm sorry God.i'm sorry.

But thank You for that corss,the corss which puts to death the sinner in me,thank You for the blood of Christ which will always wash me clean of my sins,thank You for being with me,.for abiding in me.In chaos,confusion, in the midst of trials and tribulations,in the mids of failure

you're here.

and you'll always be here.

Thank You God.

Thank You.

If

If i could accumulate the amount of anger i felt,i think it would be enough to really allow me to change into a were wolf,to give me the ability to create a tornado,to be able to pump me up enough to rip the very earth apart

then Thank God i do not have the ability to allow my anger to manifest itself in such ways,or alot of ppl are going to die,

but sometimes i wish i could.

God

God thank You for showing me so much.

but i still struggle i still need help

i believe help me in my unbelief

i am willing help me in my unwillingness

i love yOu OGod

i do,so help me

please i wanna live for u,so God mould me and shape me to become like Jesus.amen.

why

God wat is...

gah this is so confusing.how do i express myself

wat is the difference

why cant things be simplified

why cant...

its so...

darn..

why..

do i..

where is..

argh

God help me.

A living paradox

in every human the capacity for evil,and yet possessing the same capability to carry out good deeds.

in every human,the ability to rage,ravage and destroy.Yet there are many who are called peacemakers,loving,children of God.

in every human,therein lies a monstrosity,the power to wreak havoc and unleash hell on earth.Yet in every human,there is an angel,a saint,spreading and smothering those they meet with brotherly love.

Every human,a living paradox,the embodiment of polar opposites,a walking oxymoron.

If only it were possible to rid myself of the carnal nature that rises up within me so often.If only the component of sin was eradicated from this earthly body of mine!How i wish to be sinless,pure and blameless before God.

At times my soul feels as if it were about to be torn in two.On one hand,the sin that i so hate,tempts me to leap into her open arms,a swirling black vortex of doom only awaiting to destroy me.And sometimes i heed the voice of the animalistic nature i have yet to destroy!But on the other,i hear the voice of God,the calling to be pure and empty myself of my spirit and be filled with His.And to my joy and most certainly to His,i am learning to tap into that nature more and more.

But so many times i loose that connection.so many times i fail.

Oh who can save me from the filth that so encompasses me?Who could possibly save this sinner,the worst of sinners?

But Thanks be to God!That He has already sent Christ to Die for me,and more importantly that Christ is ressurected,that he is already seated at the right hand of God.

I have so much to learn,still so young in faith,still so weak,still so powerless,still finding my way,still having so much room to grow.

But thanks be to God.

Thanks be to God.

Pondering

pondering upon what are we really doing in our lives.

in ours schools in our lifes,do we really contribute everything to God.

how many times have we let our old selves with its lusts,desires,anger and all the fallen qualities of man take contorl of us?

we need to stay CONNECTED to God.it something so important that really hit me now.

it snot just for that one hour of reading the bible and worshiping..no.its praying and talking and meditating on God throught the whole day.to continually stay tuned to him even in doing our mundane routines

schoolwork,chores,our homes,our churches his is where God has placed for a reason.

lets live out His glory.

Heart of worship

we always sing that we Love God,we close our eyes,feel His presence go home rejoicing,and then

we forget everything.

Do we really know what He did on the corss for us?have we really meditated on his stautues day and night?have we REALLY been trying to follow Him and love Him?Do we obey God only partially?

do we roclaim God with our lives?

have we really surrendered everything?

do we really noe how hard it is to praise God when all thigns are stripped away?do we really noe what faith hope and love really is?

the heart of worship is COMPLETE OBEDIENCE.

how often have we missed that mark?have we really laid down our lives for Him?

worship is more than songs,music and saying pious prayers.worship is living outHis word.

ot sso easy to [raise God when we'r healthy,surrounded by friends and family,with everythign we want and need

in fact in times like these,we usually forget Who's giving us all the blessgins in life,who's really worthy of our praise,and instead focusing on the world,on our friends,on relationships,on everythign besides god.

God please.let me proclaim with every inch of my soul

Jesus
You
Are
Lord
forever.

You

you look too good for your own good.

seeing u smile is an experience i'll never ever forget.

my heart still skips a beat everytime i see u.

I can only imagine

i can only imagine

what my eyes will see

when Your face

is b4 me...

God.

i care so much.

as a phoenix

As we socialize, communicate, lead our own private and public lives..

we are all connected

interwoven intertwined in the delicate fabric of time and space...destined to meet each other to impact, effect,change,shape each other in ways we cannot yet comprehend.

and in the midst of all this,in the process of growing into whom our Creator shapes us to be,we realize that there is more to existence than just ourselves..

it sis far bigger than we can ever realize..

we overlook the fact that beneath the shallow external appearances,,deep down,burried ar ethe needs of maimed souls who are not yet meet,not yet recognized..

or at times we choose to ignore it.

and as we continue walking our own different paths..wrestling with our souls..we inevitably yield in to the carnal nature and the desires that wage war within us which have been inherited since the fall in eden..

nevertheless..

as a phoenix rises from the ashes

so will i.

let me live to serve O God.

Thnx guys

for all of u that went to sports.

for all of u that stayed back

for all of u that helped my mum and i search for my sis

for all of u who prayed.

thnx

thnx for caring.

=)

the handsome rat

heh the perevious post was one inspired by the novelist dean koontz.give his books a go..hey GOOD.

it was just giving anger a literary image thats all.=)

anyways this was a convo of me and mel while waitinf for her to pack sushi home.

mel:eh look at the rat.
sean"what?why?
mel:looks like u..hahahah
sean:WHOA...handsome rat...
sean and mel:hahahahaa
mel:i CANT belive u just said that O.o
sean:learned it frm ya.
mel:SLAP.

hahahaha

Hate.

he glances around to make sure noone was in sight.

he curls into a fetal position vibrating uncontrollably ..letting the hurt, the pain ,the longing wash over him

oh how he loved

oh how he hurt

how he envied

how he..

raged.

and as he felt these emotions take control.he felt that terribly unbearable pain,indefatigably hurting him,causing him to cry out.and opening his eyes he revealed the first of the inhuman transformations he would undergo,his pupils were no longer black,but red,with unique swirls,these eyes were ones which could detect and anticipate any movement at all.

RAAAAGGGHHH

as the rage,the hurt..the pain,the hatred coursed through his veins,he pulled back his mouth to reveal rows of lethal teeth,capable of slicing and crushing anything locked between his jaws.

his spine curved and twisted,and he unleashed a piercing cry as wings and sharp protrusions burst from his skin.

a tail complete with a scorpion like stinger on its end grew out of him..

how he sacrificed..how he waited....

how he cared.

his hands grew and sharp claws took place of nails,bony,coal black structures took the place of human hands,and feet,human skin was shredded as a grotesque animalistic body took place.

and as he pushed his teeth back into a snarl,his jaws elongated,bones in his face reconfiguring themselves to resemble those of a wolf or a crocodile.

and then he roared.

he channeled all that hate into that single blood curdling roar.

but that roar wasnt enough.

he was out for blood.

and so he went through the forest using terrible strength to fling boulders and enormous tress out of its was,picking up any living thing he found and shredded it to pieces,cracking limb after limb,snapping spines,tearing animals in half,crushing skulls,gouging out eyes and internal organs,flinging pieces of flesh and tissue resulting in gore that covered the entire underbrush.

POWER.

YES IMMENSE POWER.

KILL

DESTROY

yes HATE,OBLIVIATE anything that stands in your way especially your fellow "friends" that back stab u,insult u,get mad at u for no reason,acting like the world revolves around those selfish morons,those FOOLS.

find them

and feast on thier flesh..

and as the voice grew louder and louder in his head,his anger grew and grew,channeling hurt and pain into white hot FURY.

he was going to finish all those useless people who put themselves on holy pedestales.

yes tonight he was going to show them the consequences of their actions.

there..one of them

that girl whom wrongly acussed him and commanded him in that painfuly annoying tone to not let someone else wait.

ah some one behind her..

infact a whole gang of them..

BACKSTABBERS.

HYPOCRITES..

as that rage doiled and festered..

he acted.

using one swipe he knocked all of them in all directions..slamming them into trees and rocks.

how he would savor this.

he kicked and punched one after the other,enjoying their mortified screams and pleas to stop as well as the terrified expressions seeing something so horrendous,something so powerful.

as they crouched on the ground coughing out blood and groaning in a state of semi-consciousness.he decided that now was the time that he would snap their body parts and let each other see what the other looked like after being remodeled like play dough.

as the act of judgement was about to be cariied out,a blinding flash caused him to stummble,afraind he retreaded into the woods..and adruptly he found himself in his human form...standing in front of a supernatural being..

again powere radiated,power flowed..from whoeevr this guy was.

but this power was infinetly greater,and he realised this wasnt the power of hate.

it was love.

at that moment he realised he wasnt so great after all.being a human like the rest of them,he was as much of a hypocrite

no..he was worse.

he was convicted and as the being clothed in white,with a light shinning FROM him approached,the man broke down.

and then he knew who this was.

someone he had put aside for so long,someone he identified as insignificant.

Father?

son i forgive You..

forgive them as well.be set free from these chains.

and then a peace he had never felt b4,the Peace of love.

yes Father,i will.

I just want u to know

I just want you to know.

i've been fighting to let u go.

but i cant

And yet

And yet

even in the midst of a fallen corrupted world

how much God blesses us.

friends,family,good health SPORTS =D.church

but the greatest miricale is Christ in me.

although fear,uncertainty,doubt indefatigably disturbs,

i have my God.

and i have those memories.

thats enough to make me smile.=)

Life

Life is funny

but it's also complicated

fragile.

full of unexpected turns and surpirises

changing us shaping us

sometimes life was better when it was simple.

sometimes i envy kids

they laugh at anything,find joy so easily,as long as their basic needs r met,they smile with contentment.

yea.

so i wholly surrender.

teach me Your ways God.

as moses asked...

show me Your glory.

I just

I just want you to be happy

i just want to see that smile again




God guide me.

I care

I care
i really do

is this meant to be?

are you the right one?

how can i noe?

so near and yet so far literally

darn it

i dont have the guts to ask.

darn.

So here i am

here i am at 2 am unable to sleep.

and tml i have church.

darn.

my body is worn out,but my brain begs to differ.

perhaps to much caffine frm the tea ice?O.o






heh and here's the first pi con my blog =)

yes

yes

this is the month of evangelism.

i decided to take it to a whole new level.

not just one friend,not 3,not 3

the entire class of 40 ppl.

yes.

i used my oral assesment and spoke about God.

it was scary allrite.

but i'm glad i did it.

thank You God.

=)

what are u thinking?why are things so confusing?are you hiding something?should i be feeling this way?

In the end its all up to my Father.

Restless

restless ebcause there isnt any sports

i'm copped up at home,my mum and dad arent even letting me jog or swim because of the haze.

ARRRGGGHHH

al this pent up energy isnt good

and it doesnt help that i slept for 2 hours =/

what to do?

haizzzzz

restless because i dunno what it is.

i miss those times.

thoughts

feelings, emotions never certain or lasting
never rooted ,firm,like it would in casting
annoying,disturbing,always in my head
scattered,racing,like fleas in my bed

so unsure and uncertain i hate it u see
i dont want to buzz and move like a bee
going frm one flower to the next
never resting nor even having time for a text

ahh how the heart feels,it so confusing at times
messed up exactly like a pile of dimes
dropped and rolling all over the place
perhaps it would be better to hit urself with a mace

how i wish to be rigid and that i wont budge
how i wish to be slow and precise to judge
why oh why do i feel this way
i wish i dont i would like to say

irittable, its driving me nuts
disgusting like a pile of butts
ugh how i wish to be free of this, now
it makes me feel just like a cow
that has been milked one time too many
deranged and dizzy like my great aunt fanny

2 roads to take which one should i choose?
or maybe,just like a goose
i would run and fly to seek better ground
because there r alot of nicer fields around.

if u noe what i;m trying to say

i'll give u one ringgit.

=)

I'm winning

I cant believe it

with God i'm winning.

i cant believe it.

YEA MAN!

Luke 1:37 nothing is impossible with God.

so true

=)

i like appricots

very chewy

very nice

lol.

that previous post was uncalled for.

haha.

but hey eevry1 snaps.

i guess i stil gotta continue praying.

continue beliving.

God is with me..

and that God will work thru me

I listen

i listen

i really did.

why do u think i dont?

=(

Strength

strength

I need Your strength.

to keep the promises i made.

But i stil miss the times when we smiled,laughed and talked togheter.

the sky's so beautiful.

My love story

B4 i knew God my love life was a mess.

Even after i knew God i messed up.

So now.

God.

i give u the pen to my love story.

I'll let You write MY love story for me.

I will go only when u say go.

because u love and know me more than i do myself.

thnx for da book mel!=).(eh why am i including mel in so many posts 0.0 XD)

Melissa who?

there was once my dad asked

dad:who fetched u home?

me:melissa

dad:melissa who?

me:melissa hoo

dad:melissa WHO?

me:melissa HOO!

haha its so much fun messing around with parents XD

So many things

So many things that happened

some i thank God for.

restoring relations with good friends.

some i have to pray hard about.

its so hard to fight my old self.

so hard to fight temptation that coems in so many forms.

God i will wait.

I will hold on.

I am counting on You =)))

)weird dream

THNX MEL!!!the song is AWESOME!!!

when i'm on worship team for ya u'd BETTER sing this song XD

i am counting on i am counting on God!=)

anyways i had this weird dream,i was at gurney dating this girl..

and then..

(then girl was dayummm prettayy =p)

then...

DANIEL LOH walked past XD

then he was shaking his head

lolll

Its hard

Its hard

to apply the Word.

its hard knowing that u can fail God so many times..

everything is a mess.

Why am i so sinful.

DAMN IT!!!!

i cant continue on like this

For brian

looks like some1else is leaving 412..brian this goes out to you =)

B is for brave, calm completely serene
for now a big brother whose age is nineteen
will be leaving for KL,it is a terrible loss
ur one of the few,whom i' d be glad to cal boss

R is for respectable,a person whos worth
looking up to,i'm sure that ever since birth
God had a plan,and he would use u to channel
all the blessings,make u strong and tough,like a cammel

I is for i and the rest of us all
will miss u dearly,ur smile and ur gall
the comfort u bring even without saying a word
it is a gift frm God,use it,soar high like a bird

A is admirable,a role model indeed
handsome,responsible in word or in deed
faithful,loyal,making such a good friend
some1 whom would stick with u to the end

N is for nominated best brother and leader of the year
Ur smile,friendliness,all of us will definetly hold dear
so many things unsaid,so many things to say
but now all i can do,is pray that u follow the Way

Brian even though u deny it,it is a loss alot of ppl feel,especially ppl whom u touched by making them feel welcome,ppl like me.You have such potential brian,may God bless u..truly.

until next time brian kor kor =)

I need

I need

I thirst..

for redemption.

I need to trust You again..

Noone understands me better than You do..

and yet everything is falling apart..

I need to trust You again..

Help me

Tearing it down

Gah..why's the relations i hav with ppl falling apart?

why isn there enough time to study?

why do i let my old self surface?

Give me clean hands.

Take it all frm me.

You have the power to.

God.

Thirsty

Thirsty Lord

Wont u rain down on me.

He must become greater,I must become less.
John 3:30

Thats my verse

You are stronger

You are stronger

You are infinetly stronger than anything in existence.

Empower me.

Give me strength.

Take me to where You are.

This my prayer OGod.

Fill me with Your spirit.

Doing all i can

Damn,my exams are coming up.

yea i;ve studied,but its like,i dont feel i've done enough.

i put in alot of hours at school.the teachers dont teach,lol.so i study.

but its time to rev it up,i'm gonna have to put in alot more effort if i wanna do well.

i cna only pray and strvie hard for this.

i wanna score,i wanna be good at my studies.

Godwilling,i will.

this time the results wil be diff..

i hope.

darn.

hw

i hate hw..what a bother..

i mean why do teachers give it to me when they KNOW i wont do it???

and we have marks based on how neat our hw is..

i mean c'mon they KNOW that my handwriting isn neat AND that i'll do it at the last min..

ppffftttt..malaysian education system.XD

wave challenge is coming up!!

gonna pawn at skitter ball heheheheheheh..

the firsbee team..hmm...its a lil unstable..

not as strong as it used to be..lol.

good luck to us all..

time to fly...

by the end of this year...

i,m gonna dunk.XD

Damn it

damn it...i hate this kind of tendency.

gahhh its so hard sometimes.

i wont give up

I Fail

I fail You time and time again..
perhaps in almost every area.

scratch that.

i DO fail u in almost every area.

But i wont stop,no i wont

my fialure will motivate me even more.

God strengthen me,let me hang on to Your words.

All i want is You.

I;m breaking free..and running after You.

Breaking free

No not again not this time,its not gonna happen again.

what i promised God i will keep,i will be His son.

I wont fail u again.

I trust in You,Nothing is impossible for u,I keep the faith and i'll fight.

I'm breaking free.

I'm running after You.

YEA!!!!

Its time

i worry about my studies..life..my safety..the future.

am i getting it right with God?why dop i keep on failing Him...why cant i be more obedientto some1 whop gave His life for me?

by golly nows the time.i'm tired of falling..i'm gonna stand and fight and run after God with every single ounce of energy in me

its time to stand for all i believe in

its gonna be tough..but i'm gonna do it.

this is the way it was meant to be.

lets go.

the 100th post

AHA I CAN SIGN IN AGAIN!lol...i couldnt sign in for 2 months,feels good to be back.

there's still one more day till my exams finish..and then its the leadership retreat..

i'm ready if u say do it i;m gonna do it God..its time..one last sign..and i'll do it

Because i love You more than anything or anyone else.

Its hard being a christian..its hard cause the lifestyle i was used to for my past 14 years of life have to be changed...realizing that i;m surrounded by sin and still sin everyday isnt an easy fact to live with,dissapointing some1 i love everyday is hard on me,failing everyday is hard.

But i'll fight my sinful side with every ounce of energy i have.God i wanna follow u with all my might.

Oh man i wanna dunk..my training is going well,but i still got some way to go..dont worry i'll be able to in at least a year XD.i'm gonna be superman.hehehe..

superman is in the builiding.oh and its my 100th post today..yipeee...

Face the music

it stime again..time to face the world..this past hol God has been shaping m,e and moulding me..and given me better equipment for the battles ahead.

Now..

its time to face the music

I'm steeping out into the world again..filled wiht temptations..distractions...

sin.

but i put on my armor....draw my spiritual word..i'm geeting ready for the fights ahead of me.

My one on one battles wiht sin..comes again.

but i cna assured..u'r there with me Father.Your love...is everything.Yopu rpromises to forgive and protect..all u ahv fulfilled.

I stand strong in my God.

Sound thr horn.

I charge ahead ..for Jesus.